Being in transition is challenging. Having no tangible things to accomplish is hard. Sometimes I feel like days go by and all I did was routine + social media. I cleaned the house, organized, cooked a healthy meal, worked out at the gym, spent 2 hours on social media, played with my daughter and in the end of the day seems like all I did was spending 2 hours on social media.
How to be disciplined in transition times? When you don't have deadlines? When you're so full of worries about the future that all you can do is actually worry about it and do nothing. How to forgive before confronting someone? How to focus in the intangible wonderful things in this moment?
All these lostness have taking my health down to the ground. I got very sick to the point I had a fever and wasn't feeling it. I was so into the mess of being lost that I didn't notice I was getting ill.
I learned a long time ago that if you don't stop when you have to, your body will find a way to do it for you.
I see now that I need to find myself. I need to get rid of worries that don't make me generate positive actions. Mind, body and soul are making lots of sense now. Their connections are so strong but yet so invisible that we can trap ourselves in a circle of failure.
No, I have no idea if I am going to make it better after this big lesson of falling sick for almost 7 days now. Humans can be the dumbest animals on Earth. Why can't we just learn how to live inside the boundaries that makes us balanced? Maturity might be the answer, right?
Moving to the US and quitting my position as director of my fathers company and selling my shares were an important step in terms of boundaries, I can recognize that. For years and years, my heart was in charge putting me in a position of "having to take it all" for gratitude, believing that was my mission, that having to go through exhausting arguments with my father was part of my mission. I had to understand him, I had to try to change his mind wisely, I had to be persuasive on both sides - my father and the employees or my brother. And all of this "mission" was only bringing negative results. Yes, a good salary and a wealthy business is comfortable, but at what stake?
If the stake is your life, your sanity, your patience, your sleep, your health... well, this is so very wrong.
Some people are intelligent enough to overcome these challenges inside the situation, not loosing the comfortable side of it, but I now know that for me, I need to break up, to break out. If after breaking out I will know what to do? Definitely not. I now know that.
Yesterday, still stuck in bed by the pulmonary infection, I opened ramdomly my little Bible and there it was, like a punch on the chin, like a wake-up call to Mind, Body and Soul.
8 The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patienceis better than pride.
9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.
10 Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions.
11 Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing and benefits those who see the sun.
12 Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this: that wisdom preserves the life of its possessor.
13 Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked?
14 When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.
Peace.
T.
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