there is a song from Gungor called Better Together. It's far out the kind of music I like but Melissa loves it and since the message is good, I let it play.
the message is not only good. it's true.
I watched a TED Talk with Scott Dinsmore and he said we are the average of the 5 people we spend time with. He tells his story of how he went from a 4 year zero profit initiative to a worldwide growth. One of the secrets to his success after four years walking in circles was connecting and spending time with the right people, people who already were in the place he wanted to get.
Moving to a new country is the perfect opportunity to find it. Of course, I didn't realize it 8 months ago, as Scott didn't realized before. It's a process. You think you're fine, you FaceTime with friends and family, you text, you follow them on social media, you get together with people you already knew living in the same city, but then, one day - may it be sunny or cloudy - a deep silence and loneliness feeling strikes you.
What am I doing here? I'm here but I'm actually not here. Only my body and my routine was here. The act of actually living - which I can't wittily describe - was not here with me. I saw Matheus coming and going, getting in a band, booking gigs, being cherished and loved by new friends while I was virtually speaking with someone on the phone 6,000 miles from me.
I realized it was time to get my personal life set here and that would be the foundation for my new professional life. It's not as easy as when you are a freshman in college. People have their lives running here since forever. They have their own childhood friends, a busy agenda of children birthday parties, trips and events.
How could I fit in?
First I tried with my neighbors. One of them is a homestay mom which was extremely friendly and helpful since we moved. It was not so easy to figure how things work in the community and she was always very responsive to all my ignorant questions. Our husbands connected pretty well when they discovered their mutual love for the Stone Temple Pilots. Most Fridays we gather with the kids on the driveway with our corona light bottles and it feels great. It took me some time to realize that for now this is our thing. With these friends this is what I am going go get and it's great. I usually have a feeling of "I am in the right place" and gratitude when I found myself having a beer while the kids ride their bikes and the guys talk about rock.
But then, I missed having someone to share these reflections. To share the journey. The good and the bad days. The uncertainties. The real deal.
I always had a hard time with exposure. I always over expose, I think. I mean, I could never say: "oh, I have an appointment tomorrow." I'm more like: "oh, I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow, an ENT specialist to check my swollen turbinates inside my nose."
So, you know... not everybody is willing to get the real answer for a simple 'How are you?' or 'How was your day?'
Not blaming them. I can totally relate to that. There's nothing more painful than having to hear a bad story when you're not in the mood for it. So, I really had to find the right people to back me up on this journey, to inspire me with their own overcomes and to make me feel useful and valued.
Then, of course, Lezlie Laws.
I attended to her group session and had the blessing of meeting two wonderful women who are going through the same journey. Discovery, invention, reinvention, deep reflections, foundational practices, good habits, supporting, listening, sharing, listening back.
I also reached out for a ladies small group from the church we're going to, the City Beautiful. Every Tuesday, from 7 to 9, I drive all the way to downtown to gather with these great girls. We talk, read a passage of the Bible, we discuss it and we pair up to share whatever we want and then we pray for one another. Love. There's nothing else but love.
Today I heard the Good Life Project podcast which Scott was together with Jhonatan Fields and when he said again that you're the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with, I smiled. I feel extremely thankful for meeting these people. As I remind their faces and stories, I feel that oh, boy, they got my back. No matter how many friends they have, how busy their agendas are, they want to have coffee and talk with someone that just walked in the country!
I have no words to describe how valuable this is to me. And how it is changing my own perspective (or paradigms?) about friendship.
With a big smile,
Thali.
the message is not only good. it's true.
I watched a TED Talk with Scott Dinsmore and he said we are the average of the 5 people we spend time with. He tells his story of how he went from a 4 year zero profit initiative to a worldwide growth. One of the secrets to his success after four years walking in circles was connecting and spending time with the right people, people who already were in the place he wanted to get.
Moving to a new country is the perfect opportunity to find it. Of course, I didn't realize it 8 months ago, as Scott didn't realized before. It's a process. You think you're fine, you FaceTime with friends and family, you text, you follow them on social media, you get together with people you already knew living in the same city, but then, one day - may it be sunny or cloudy - a deep silence and loneliness feeling strikes you.
What am I doing here? I'm here but I'm actually not here. Only my body and my routine was here. The act of actually living - which I can't wittily describe - was not here with me. I saw Matheus coming and going, getting in a band, booking gigs, being cherished and loved by new friends while I was virtually speaking with someone on the phone 6,000 miles from me.
I realized it was time to get my personal life set here and that would be the foundation for my new professional life. It's not as easy as when you are a freshman in college. People have their lives running here since forever. They have their own childhood friends, a busy agenda of children birthday parties, trips and events.
How could I fit in?
First I tried with my neighbors. One of them is a homestay mom which was extremely friendly and helpful since we moved. It was not so easy to figure how things work in the community and she was always very responsive to all my ignorant questions. Our husbands connected pretty well when they discovered their mutual love for the Stone Temple Pilots. Most Fridays we gather with the kids on the driveway with our corona light bottles and it feels great. It took me some time to realize that for now this is our thing. With these friends this is what I am going go get and it's great. I usually have a feeling of "I am in the right place" and gratitude when I found myself having a beer while the kids ride their bikes and the guys talk about rock.
But then, I missed having someone to share these reflections. To share the journey. The good and the bad days. The uncertainties. The real deal.
I always had a hard time with exposure. I always over expose, I think. I mean, I could never say: "oh, I have an appointment tomorrow." I'm more like: "oh, I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow, an ENT specialist to check my swollen turbinates inside my nose."
So, you know... not everybody is willing to get the real answer for a simple 'How are you?' or 'How was your day?'
Not blaming them. I can totally relate to that. There's nothing more painful than having to hear a bad story when you're not in the mood for it. So, I really had to find the right people to back me up on this journey, to inspire me with their own overcomes and to make me feel useful and valued.
Then, of course, Lezlie Laws.
I attended to her group session and had the blessing of meeting two wonderful women who are going through the same journey. Discovery, invention, reinvention, deep reflections, foundational practices, good habits, supporting, listening, sharing, listening back.
I also reached out for a ladies small group from the church we're going to, the City Beautiful. Every Tuesday, from 7 to 9, I drive all the way to downtown to gather with these great girls. We talk, read a passage of the Bible, we discuss it and we pair up to share whatever we want and then we pray for one another. Love. There's nothing else but love.
Today I heard the Good Life Project podcast which Scott was together with Jhonatan Fields and when he said again that you're the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with, I smiled. I feel extremely thankful for meeting these people. As I remind their faces and stories, I feel that oh, boy, they got my back. No matter how many friends they have, how busy their agendas are, they want to have coffee and talk with someone that just walked in the country!
I have no words to describe how valuable this is to me. And how it is changing my own perspective (or paradigms?) about friendship.
With a big smile,
Thali.
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