I was raised in a paternalist Japanese-Brazilian culture. I learned that women should not be loud, women should cook, women should never test a man's temperament, women should not say bad words and so on. I thank God my mom, besides all the male-dominant culture and values, made herself the best version she could. She was orphan since 4 and became a mother at 18. Times were tough and she taught herself how to be a hairdresser in my grandma salon.
Yes, my grandma also had to reinvent herself after her husband left with her best friend. These women inspired me. They both followed the traditional good-wife protocol, but they also spread their wings and flew. My grandma drove a kombi all around the city. My mother was the first woman to get a drivers license amongst her sisters and in-laws. I remember people saying she would fail the test. They were always mean to her but she never gave up.
She ran a salon for almost 30 years and when she decided it was time to stop forgiving my father's affairs, she stepped out the relationship without fighting over money - something that many people called her dumb over - but what she was really looking for was a good night of sleep after working hard, mostly standing up on high heels, peace of mind and a light soul. After some years my father started making up to her, seeking to be 'the best ex-husband-in-the-world', which she wisely accepted knowing it was his way of showing he regretted his choices in the past.
My mother always seek to be her best version. She's now retired and is dedicated to learning wood and glass working. I am proud of her and happy to have such an example.
On my side of the story of going after the best version of me - this slogan is actually from my coach Lezlie Laws - I would like to write today about improvements I noticed in myself.
Social media is usually a waste of time but I must recognize it can really bring awareness to important issues. It can bring up new aspects or conclusions of an old story. I can point two subjects I saw on social media and made me go further and deeper to establish my own opinion about it: a) waldorf education, and b) feminism.
I am not the kind of person who raise flags in social media. I really prefer doing it face to face, ahahahah. I had this very superficial knowledge about feminism. It was one of those things that at first I felt not interested in because I knew it would be shocking to some of the values I had. First one was the Slut Walk. I couldn't even try to understand it when it popped up in my timeline. I remember thinking: why so degrading? why calling yourselves like that? But then, I started reading more and even though I didn't took off my shirt and joined the walk in my city, all pledges made sense to me.
Everything about equality made a lot of sense to me.
How come have I taken so much prejudice from men? For many years I was the only young woman inside the companies international board. I took in a lot of inconvenient comments, I heard a lot of men degrading women without saying anything because I was still under the influence of my education where "men are men and do men things". How awful is that disrespect was allowed?
I looked at my father's company and saw all women making half of what men do over the fact that "they travel". Oh, but what about "they run the whole operations which without it that would be no men traveling?"
But amidst the situation with my father and brother, only a few times I had the chance to bring this subject up even though I knew my father would probably say: " yep, but women have 4 month of paid maternity leave" or something even stupider. I didn't need another reason to fight with my father. So I let go. At work. From work. From sharing the business with him.
Having a daughter made all these issues strike me even harder. I focused on equality and also looked for other areas besides the gap between men and women. It's very clear now the gap between "levels of aesthetic beauty", make up, hair, weight. People are not worried about health, they are worried about beauty. Outside beauty. Not that I am a cosmetic-free-amish person. I do wear make up, get my hair done, but by going deep on trying to make myself a better person I finally let go the 'fat' complex I had for a long, long time. By even trying to show my daughter that her curly hair is the most beautiful thing in the world, that she should love herself and respect herself, I am the one who's learning the great lesson.
I told my husband this morning that before sharing or even laughing at a meme that is related to a person's life, he should analyze and put himself in that person's shoes. I know celebrities are out there and are susceptible to all these garbage. But if you think again, should she/he really be at risk of judgement just because he/she is a public person?
When will we stop paying attention to an actress belly fat and start admiring or even criticizing her latest work?
The best version of myself is someone wise, who is deep, who doesn't waste time or energy on shallow negative headlines, who is caring to other people's feeling, from the very best friend to Demi Moore.
With all my love and hope for a world with more people investing on finding their better version every day.
Thali.
Yes, my grandma also had to reinvent herself after her husband left with her best friend. These women inspired me. They both followed the traditional good-wife protocol, but they also spread their wings and flew. My grandma drove a kombi all around the city. My mother was the first woman to get a drivers license amongst her sisters and in-laws. I remember people saying she would fail the test. They were always mean to her but she never gave up.
She ran a salon for almost 30 years and when she decided it was time to stop forgiving my father's affairs, she stepped out the relationship without fighting over money - something that many people called her dumb over - but what she was really looking for was a good night of sleep after working hard, mostly standing up on high heels, peace of mind and a light soul. After some years my father started making up to her, seeking to be 'the best ex-husband-in-the-world', which she wisely accepted knowing it was his way of showing he regretted his choices in the past.
My mother always seek to be her best version. She's now retired and is dedicated to learning wood and glass working. I am proud of her and happy to have such an example.
On my side of the story of going after the best version of me - this slogan is actually from my coach Lezlie Laws - I would like to write today about improvements I noticed in myself.
Social media is usually a waste of time but I must recognize it can really bring awareness to important issues. It can bring up new aspects or conclusions of an old story. I can point two subjects I saw on social media and made me go further and deeper to establish my own opinion about it: a) waldorf education, and b) feminism.
I am not the kind of person who raise flags in social media. I really prefer doing it face to face, ahahahah. I had this very superficial knowledge about feminism. It was one of those things that at first I felt not interested in because I knew it would be shocking to some of the values I had. First one was the Slut Walk. I couldn't even try to understand it when it popped up in my timeline. I remember thinking: why so degrading? why calling yourselves like that? But then, I started reading more and even though I didn't took off my shirt and joined the walk in my city, all pledges made sense to me.
Everything about equality made a lot of sense to me.
How come have I taken so much prejudice from men? For many years I was the only young woman inside the companies international board. I took in a lot of inconvenient comments, I heard a lot of men degrading women without saying anything because I was still under the influence of my education where "men are men and do men things". How awful is that disrespect was allowed?
I looked at my father's company and saw all women making half of what men do over the fact that "they travel". Oh, but what about "they run the whole operations which without it that would be no men traveling?"
But amidst the situation with my father and brother, only a few times I had the chance to bring this subject up even though I knew my father would probably say: " yep, but women have 4 month of paid maternity leave" or something even stupider. I didn't need another reason to fight with my father. So I let go. At work. From work. From sharing the business with him.
Having a daughter made all these issues strike me even harder. I focused on equality and also looked for other areas besides the gap between men and women. It's very clear now the gap between "levels of aesthetic beauty", make up, hair, weight. People are not worried about health, they are worried about beauty. Outside beauty. Not that I am a cosmetic-free-amish person. I do wear make up, get my hair done, but by going deep on trying to make myself a better person I finally let go the 'fat' complex I had for a long, long time. By even trying to show my daughter that her curly hair is the most beautiful thing in the world, that she should love herself and respect herself, I am the one who's learning the great lesson.
I told my husband this morning that before sharing or even laughing at a meme that is related to a person's life, he should analyze and put himself in that person's shoes. I know celebrities are out there and are susceptible to all these garbage. But if you think again, should she/he really be at risk of judgement just because he/she is a public person?
When will we stop paying attention to an actress belly fat and start admiring or even criticizing her latest work?
The best version of myself is someone wise, who is deep, who doesn't waste time or energy on shallow negative headlines, who is caring to other people's feeling, from the very best friend to Demi Moore.
With all my love and hope for a world with more people investing on finding their better version every day.
Thali.
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